The doctors had told Mrs. Roberson that her son had ‘severely delayed
development’ but when she was growing up it was called ‘retarded’. Either
way she knew he would never have a normal life. He looked intelligent enough
but because the speech center in his brain was underdeveloped, he could
only say a few words and they were hard for other people to understand.
His hearing and comprehension were fairly normal however and he could follow
simple instructions and reply with a garbled ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Due to his
disabilities he attended a government operated school for ‘the challenged’.
Aliens from a planet many light years away were assigned the dubious task
of conducting a study of ‘Earth’ and its inhabitants. Their spacecraft;
invisible to radar detection and our light spectrum, entered our atmosphere
without the benefit of visual sensors to guide them since they had been
damaged in a meteor shower between Jupiter and Mars. Scanning the surface
using sound waves to ‘map’ for a suitable landing spot they chose of all
places a vacant lot behind the Roberson’s home. The aliens monitored the
audio portions of all earth broadcast frequencies in an attempt to decipher
the confusing codes of numerous human dialects, languages, and regional
colloquialisms from the various movies, game shows and commercials they
intercepted. Less than a solar day went by before they had learned the
rudiments of the most common Earth languages and means of communication
but certain aspects of humor and emotion were ‘lost in the translation’.
Comprehending these foreign concepts was much more difficult to their advanced
race of pure intellect. Further compounding this translational rift was
the fact that they were unable to view the video portions of Earth signals
and the Sun’s ultraviolet rays were deadly to their skin. These factors
prevented any surface exploration and severely limited their research to
monitoring and probing the soil for samples beneath their ship. Since their
data was virtually nonexistent on what Earth biological organisms looked
like and they were unable to leave the ship they would have to find a way
to ‘bring the mountain to Mohammed’. Their directional antenna focused
on a conversation in the Roberson household. “George, this is what you
looked like as a baby.... and there is a picture of your Grandfather.....
Now, that was the last picture in the photo album so I want you to go up
to bed after you brush your teeth, OK? Your father will be up in a minute
to tuck you in.” Wondering if “tucking in” was some sort of bonding ritual
the aliens listened intently to at least hear what they could not see.
They carefully noted in chronological order the events which occurred 7.3
Earth minutes later. The mother and father entered the human offspring
George’s living cubical and asked him if he had said his prayers in his
head. The aliens noted that no auditory response was given. The only hypothesis
they could conclude with so little data to draw from was that George was
using telepathy to communicate with his genetic donors. Then the female
parent said; “Here is your water and kiss.” A slight popping sound followed
and then a farewell greeting of “goodnight” was offered by both parents
in unison. Without being able to peer into the human dwelling the aliens
were unsure if the genetic donors were speaking to each other or the offspring.
The question of whom resided together during their dormant period, if any
of them, was proving to be both intriguing and difficult to answer. Kequez;
an assistant to the ship’s Commander Vxrai; was asked to hypothesize a
reason for the smacking sound. He offered in their alien tongue; “Perhaps
it is necessary for human genetic donors to borrow some of their offspring’s
more potent life force by sucking it out of them in order to mate?” “That’s
an interesting theory Kequez but also an illogical one! Where would the
genetic donors get this necessary life force to produce their FIRST offspring?
Do they borrow from other humans who already have offspring. Do they have
enough in them to parent the first one and then borrow from then on? Your
submitted theory allows for too many unlikely possibilities... and that’s
assuming you are even right about the mating part.” “Yes sir, I was premature
in my judgement.”; apologized Kequez. Commander Vxrai reassured him that
anything could be possible and his theory was as valid as any other since
they didn’t have visual reinforcement. “Is there any way of repairing our
damaged scanners?”; inquired Korbrux, another crewman. “No, our probe arms
are not able to repair anything that elaborate so we are limited to the
resources at hand.”; replied the Commander. “Sir, what if we telepathically
contact the immature Earthling and convince it to bring us visual recordings
in exchange for a treat or something?”; suggested the science officer.
“That’s not such a bad idea!”; agreed the Commander. “What’s your name,
Ensign?” “Katoh-4xbq1” answered to young ensign, proudly. “Well, does anyone
have any ideas what suitable payment would be for human visual records?”;
The Commander wanted to know. “I was monitoring one of their audio signals
from an advertisement; let me play it back sir.”; said Kequez. He found
the segment and played it back on the ship’s monitor. A catchy jingle announced
that ‘A Kodak picture is worth a thousand words’. Commander Vxrai asked
his assistant; “What is a Kodak?” “It’s a type of device used to capture
a still visual image for later viewing.”; Kequez explained. “So they don’t
have instant access to the past then?”; he asked incrediously. “Apparently
not sir, and another thing..... as far as I can tell from listening to
their communications.... they only have one nose!” The Commander sloshed
in revulsion at what he imagined them to look like. George Roberson was
awakened by the translucent image of a monster at the foot of his bed.
It wasn’t saying anything to him out loud but he could hear it speaking
to him in his head. He started to scream but no sound would come out of
his throat. “The monster” was telling him to not be afraid in a voice that
sounded like it had been pieced together from movies, songs, TV shows and
commercials. The rapid change in pitch, accent, and enunciation from the
alien’s choice of human speech did little to calm down George. The alien
went on to explain though the pieced together message that they were from
a distant solar system and were studying the Earth and its more advanced
life forms. The mental message expressed their need for visual “kodaks”
and needed his assistance in acquiring these pictures. In exchange for
each picture he brought them they would “pay” him one thousand words, as
their literal minds understood the commercial to mean. Lastly, he was assured
that no harm would come to him but George wasn’t worried because he had
seem E.T. and other space movies and programs. He wasn’t afraid anymore.
He was actually excited at the thought of getting to meet Captain Kirk
from Star Trek or Chewbacca from Star Wars. He grabbed a Sears Catalog,
some magazines, and an entire set of old Encyclopedias and climbed out
his window; making several trips in and out. He used his flashlight to
find his little red wagon and he loaded all the books and magazines in
it. He wondered how they could ‘pay him words’ but he was sure Mr. Spock
would explain it to him logically. Korbrux; who had been chosen for the
hologram broadcast because of his ‘hideous’ mutant features, was considered
to probably look most like humans. He stepped out of the hologram booth
and reported to the Commander. “All three of the human’s brain patterns
indicated they were in their dormant phase but the offspring came out of
it easily. His primitive brain patterns managed to understand our request
and he is bringing the required Kodaks. One unusual thing sir was that
I sensed a complete lack of fear or surprise as if he was expecting us!
His brain is formed differently than all the rest of the humans we have
scanned since he is incapable of verbal speech like the others.” “That
is clearly a sign of superior intelligence because he has evolved beyond
the need for exterior speech and no longer needs it to communicate as he
did when he we didn’t hear him answer his genetic donors verbally before.”;
Explained the Commander. “How long will it take him to respond to our request?”
“He should be here very soon”; Korbrux responded. “But sir, we will probably
have to perform some modification to it’s brain speech center to keep our
end of the bargain.” “Well, a deal is a deal.... whether it needs the verbal
ability or not we can’t go back on our promise with their primitive nuclear
capabilities. If they were to drop a two million megaton bomb on our ship
it could damage our navigational equipment and leave us stranded here until
a repair ship arrives.” None of the aliens wanted to be there any longer
than necessary so they accepted the extra inconvenience. Morpz; one of
their ‘alien’ biologists was assigned to do the research and surgery on
the human named George. “Sir, I have been monitoring something they refer
to as the stock market and it has indicated that the worth of commodities
on this planet fluctuate according to the demand for the items.”; reported
communications officer Mbarj. “Fascinating! We too were preoccupied with
material wealth and possessions eons ago. Perhaps we are exploring our
own primitive past through their culture. What is the current worth of
Kodak pictures?” “Kodak photography division is down in worth 2 percent
in their market scale which would make each picture worth 980.001 words
at current market trade value...”; expressed Mbarj. “So currently a picture
is worth less than a thousand Earth words.”; The Commander acknowledged
shrewdly. The ships sensors alerted the aliens to George’s presence outside
their vessel. George worked his way around the invisible space craft while
knocking on its sides, searching for the entrance or at least to get their
attention. “Sir, the human is expecting us to ‘beam’ him aboard.”; explained
Katoh the security captain. “What is ‘beam’?; Vxrai wondered. “Particle
relocation is what I believe he has in mind sir.” “But how can it be familiar
with particle relocation when we just mastered it recently?”; the perplexed
Commander asked partially out loud. “Very well, do as he wishes.” In only
a manner of seconds George was floating inside the spacecraft just like
they were. He didn’t see any of his TV or movie heroes but after seeing
the cantina scene in Star Wars he wasn’t’ surprised at the alien’s appearances.
Looking like a cross between goats, jellyfish, octopi and a small amount
of humanoid characteristics; the aliens were taken aback at George’s ‘grotesqueness’.
After their initial shock at human appearance the biology team gathered
around him slowly and began taking readings and measurements. “Sir! Our
initial readings from the mind probe indicate that this human is not the
least bit concerned about it’s welfare aboard our ship, which must be far
beyond its primitive understanding! In the hundreds of primitive creatures
we have examined, all were terrified when they were brought before us for
examination! We are at a loss for to understand this creatures complete
unique reaction to the unknown.” “It only further proves what I stated
earlier; this ‘George’ is a superior being who is obviously a leader of
the humans. Not only is he telepathic but he also remains completely calm
when encountering beings of extremely different appearance than itself.
We; the ‘so called’ superior beings didn’t handle the confrontation as
well as it did; er ‘George’ did.”; Exclaimed the Commander. “Even more
surprising, sir; George is disappointed that we aren’t who it expected!”;
declared Morpz. “Well, what beings was George expecting? We have never
encountered any other race capable of interstellar travel in all of our
missions.” “Well sir, he seems to have been expecting either a ship called
“The Starship Enterprise of the United Federation of Planets, or The Millennium
Falcon of The Rebellion! He is even wondering where certain crew members
are.”: explained Morpz. “How could these other Beings have escaped all
our charting?” “This planet has obviously been surveyed by at least two
other advanced civilizations! The fact they we are unaware of their existence
leads me to believe that they are more advanced than us and consider us
irrelevant!” Vxrai’s vocal slots wavered nervously. “And George is the
Human Ambassador to them!” “Maybe the life forms he was expecting are the
Earth’s guardians and allies since he wasn’t afraid of them.”: Kequez theorized.
“Korbrux; do another mind probe on George’s genetic donors with the secondary
sensors to see if this information is accurate. If Kequez is correct then
we need to be very careful with their Ambassador here on Earth.” “I can’t
sir..... They are too far out of range of our secondary sensors to brings
us anything but extraneous information. All I can do is record our specimen’s
memory patterns from the last solar day prior to our capturing it for evaluation
and later study.” “George is NOT and ‘it’ and he wasn’t ‘captured’; he
was ‘consulted’ by us to be the diplomatic representative here on Earth”;
scolded the Commander. “And furthermore, we don’t have time to do all that;
we have to modify his verbal brain center so we can pay him his ‘consultation
fee’ of 980.01 words per picture as we have promised. We can’t afford to
renege on our agreement with Earth’s personal ambassador. It’s probably
a test to see if we are an honorable race and worthy of joining their ‘Federation
of Planets’. Then we must quickly get back to FEYton 6 to inform them of
this meganormous revelation! Kequez, you have the bridge I’m going below
for a silicon and acid bath. Keep me apprised of any new developments and
update me on George’s brain modifications.” George gave the magazines,
the Sears catalog, and the Encyclopedia volumes to one of the ship’s scientists
who took them into the examination compartment for extreme scrutinization.
Meanwhile Morpz removed George’s brain to repair the malformed tissue.
He silently cursed Commander Vxrai for giving him such a menial task to
perform when he was the head bio-surgical officer. He realized the commander
wanted him to do it because it was of the most high importance but any
one of his understudies could have performed the modifications without
the slightest risk of failure. After repairing George’s brain with a basic
surgical technique he had been taught when he was three Earth minutes old,
Morpz replaced the brain back in George’s cranium and closed it with a
laser like scalpel tool, leaving no trace of scars from the procedure.
He considered altering the Earth Ambassador’s physical appearance out of
‘pity for his ugliness’ but his strict ethical codes prevented becoming
unobjective with his patients. The Commander was brought out of his silicon
and acid bath break for briefing on the crews progress with repairs to
the ship and the ordered modifications to Ambassador George. “Sir, George
brought us 14,216 pictures contained within these volumes, called ‘books’.”
“What are boo-” “Books are printed visual volumes of full size information
for accessing in a somewhat random manner.”; Katoh interrupted. “You mean
to tell me that they don’t compact information down to macro size for instant
access?”; Vxrai inquired incredulously. “Not as far as we can surmise so
far but little is still known about their customs. There is no record of
an alliance with ‘The United Federation of Planets’ or any other star travelers
in the lexicons he brought us but we know they have several alliances from
his brain scan. Perhaps theirs is a very secretive race where little is
revealed of their advanced technology in their media and public relations
material.”: further theorized Korbrux. “Or”; added the Commander nervously;
“George could have deliberately brought us misleadingly primitive information
about them in order to study whether we invade the planets of ‘primitive’
beings or are beneficial to them! We have no choice but to pretend we aren’t
aware of their observations about us and give George his 13,931,694 words
to add to his ‘primitive’ vocabulary.” “13,931,694.22, sir.”; corrected
Katoh. “There is no such thing as .22 of a word; I was simply rounding
off.”; he defended. “Was his brain modified and given the words in accordance
with our ‘act of good faith and friendship’?” “Yes sir, but ingeniously
George has had his brain reduced so that I had to expand his brain’s comprehension
dramatically so that we could keep our end of the deal! Incredibly, 13,931,694
words would represent 25 times his native language according to the information
he gave us in the books. I had to program his brain with every word from
every language and dialect we have secured from their global broadcasts
just to uphold the deal.”; Reported Morpz. “So we passed the test then?”;
responded the Commander. “Barely, by the tips of our tentacles, sir.” “Do
they really think we would believe they could communicate with 200,000
words or less per language?”; Vxrai pondered. “They must think us fools
to attempt to mislead us that way! What is known about the other Earth
allies he expected us to be?” “There is only 6 pages of information on
‘Alien life forms’ in the entire Encyclopedia he cleverly brought us so
we have not been able to find anything of use to us about them.”; Morpz
stated sadly. “We have no choice but to abandon this mission after we have
convinced the humans of our ‘good will toward them’ by releasing Ambassador
George with the extra vocabulary words as we promised, proving that we
are a powerful but peaceful race and should be considered for their alliance
too.”; Outlined Vxrai. “Only then can we feel any security at all from
possible attack and invasion from one of them.”; He added with visible
fear and concern. “Is it possible sir that we have overestimated the humans
and they are really the primitive culture that they appear to be?”; suggested
Katoh. “How could you be so gullible as to believe the human’s transparent
hoax?. Did you not learn ANYTHING in your training period at all; or were
you just incubated 2 Earth days ago?”; The Commander demanded. His patience
had completely dissolved and with the current crisis he didn’t need an
over eager ensign telling him that he might be wrong in front of the entire
crew. “I expect all Earth data and artifacts to be labeled and filled before
we leave this planet in one solar rotation.”: he announced over the ships
intercom. “From here we will be traveling to Alpha Centauri 8 for visual
sensor repairs. You all have your assignments; proceed efficiently!” The
Commander floated down to the Biology department to check up personally
on Ambassador George. He instructed Morpz to program his brain with some
other ‘basic’ information as further proof of their generosity in ‘educating
the primitive humans’. Morpz explained that he would insert the first 50,000
characters of their language and some general Mathematical equations from
their ‘pupa’ stage as an example of their ‘good will’. “You must make certain
none of that will enable them to find our planet; we don’t need an interplanetary
conflict on our tentacles!”; Vxrai explicitly explained in an alternative
dialect in case George had already mastered their language. “I will be
careful to only inform him of solutions to the problems his planet is pretending
to have, sir. That will surely convince then we are a philanthropistic
race deserving no aggression from them.” “Good work Morpz! We may just
pull this off and save our planet yet.” In all of his eons the Commander
had never considered the possibility that there could be a race of beings
so superior to their own and now he knew of at least three of them! He
shook both sides of his head in amazement. Meanwhile a few hundred yards
away from the invisible alien spacecraft, Mr. and Mrs. Roberson were frantically
calling out for their son. ‘It wasn’t like him to wander off like that’
she thought to herself. A thousand fears filled their minds with all the
potential dangers waiting out in the cold cruel world for a boy with ‘severely
delayed development’. He hadn’t been missing long enough for an official
missing person’s report but the state police organized a search party anyway
under the circumstances. Finally at dusk the police called off the search
in the area until daybreak but promised to run a statewide APB and contact
them with any new developments. All they could do was sit by the phone
and wait. Not knowing was the hardest part. A strange metallic rumbling
sound filled the neighborhood and the Roberson’s jumped up to see what
was happening. To their disbelief, George began to materialize before them
in the living room! Directly behind the house the dark sky looked distorted
as the intense heat of the alien’s ship took off but the Roberson’s were
too shocked to notice. As George stood smiling before them his dazed but
relieved parents managed to finally ask what had just happened. They only
expected to see him gesture or grunt a simple explanation after a lifetime
of limited speech. In perfect English he spoke for the first time to them:
“I’ve just had an encounter with extratrestrials!”; He explained fluidly.
His mother fainted. After reviving her he went on to explain how the aliens
operated on him and programmed his mind with all the known words from 25
languages as well as the solutions to the world’s problems. “What do they
want in return?”; his shocked father wanted to know. “They wanted pictures
of Humans so I gave them a Sears catalog, some magazines and an old set
of encyclopedias.”; George explained. “Well, wasn’t that nice of them!”
his mother said happily. She clearly didn’t grasp the gravity of the situation
as the world would soon marvel at George’s knowledge and benefit from the
alien’s ‘gift’. All she knew was that her son could talk and that was more
than she could have ever hoped for. Then as his words ‘sank in’ she replied:
“That was the best bargain I’ve ever heard of!”
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